Archive for the ‘Family’ Category

PostHeaderIcon Songs that remind me of this last year – Post Surgery

From Sonata No.2 in A Minor, for Violin Solo – Bach

This is my favorite piece of music, EVER. and the fact that it is Classical, much less Bach, is pretty amazing (I’m not so much a classical fan, though I am a HUGE Piano Fan). This song always calms me and I can listen to it on repeat for hours on end. It is one place where I can find peace and inner harmony. This was how I felt during my moments in the “After time”.

Vanilla Twilight – Owl City

I had time to dream during my medical coma, and the thing I will always remember about that time is that the only one I wanted to be with was my love, Kaylene. I remember us being different places such as Heber Valley Railroad, Blackfoot Idaho, Oregon, and other areas that are peaceful areas in my past. She is the only one I wanted to be with; She still is. This life and the after wouldn’t be the same without her.

“I’ll watch the night turn light-blue
But it’s not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly
The silence isn’t so bad
‘Til I look at my hands and feel sad
‘Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly”

Waiting for My Real life to begin – Colin Hay

This was me waking up and spending my first nights in the ICU – Nothing to do but lay there, and feel helpless and needing more. More humanity, more purpose. I still feel more broken than normal. I know that Kaylene has heard me say before “I feel SO old”. Some people laugh when I say that seeing as how I’m only 31 now. I can understand the humor in my statement, but for a long time I’ve felt the parts in my machinery that creak and rub me raw. Like my skin fits too tightly and my mind doesn’t know what to do with itself. I’m waiting to feel the magic of youth, and that my opportunity hasn’t left me behind. It’s a hard thing to hope, when your physical, spiritual, and emotional joints are squeaky, rusty, and coming unhinged. I love this song cause it is a reminder of believing the fantastical, and that I still have to go out and do some work to make my dreams happen.

“When I awoke today, suddenly nothing happened
But in my dreams, I slew the dragon
And down this beaten path, and up this cobbled lane
I’m walking in my old footsteps, once again”

Fire and Rain – James Taylor

Kaylene will tell you that I LOVE to sing. I’m not that good, especially when I can’t belt it out, and even then…. This was the first song I felt I could try singing after everything happened. As well as being a James Taylor fan, I felt the pain of losing that important unameable part of me, and the triumph of being able to squeak the words out gave me such hope. The song still makes me cry if I try to sing it. This song is also for the people who “showed up” for me, for Kaylene, for our family. Thank you. Thanks to Jared and Shaleen for keeping Kaylene sane. Thanks to LANDesk and my friends there for their kind words, support, and love. Thank you to FAMILY! Thanks to all my friends and Kaylene’s friends who gave us their thoughts and prayers.

“Oh, I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain
I’ve seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find a friend”

Something in the Way She moves – James Taylor

This is to My sweetheart who stuck right next to me, even when life was crashing around us. I know it was hard for you too, and I was so happy to have you there when I woke up. We’re coming up on 10 years!! I love you. For myself, I’m sorry that I cannot be everything I want to be for you.

“Every now and then the things I lean on lose their meaning
And I find myself careening
Into places where I should not let me go.
She has the power to go where no one else can find me
And to silently remind me
Of the happiness and the good times that I know”

Breathe – Aalok Mehta

This song personifies my need to become real again after my recovery and starting back into real life and work. Aalok Mehta is one of my favorite musicians. The song reminds me of how hard it is remember to be alive and realize the beauty of those around you. To be able to breath a sigh of relief, a breath of normalcy. I think of how many times that I felt I was drowning and the people who pulled me up and helped me on my way again.

“The life you bring into my domain
It leaves me with a smile of anticipation
I don’t know if the courage inside can radiate
Without the changes that seasons dream
And I keep on record all of my fears
However transient life can be your dancin’ babe it bleeds into me”

PostHeaderIcon Preface –

I’ll keep it simple.  I’ll try to explain more in the other post’s i’ll be putting up.

Preface: On October 16th, 2009, I ended up in the emergency room after three days of continual nausea, diarrhea, and pain.  My large intestine had ruptured a few days before and I was suffering from internal poisoning and sepsis.  During my first operation my heart stopped and I lost responsiveness.

In simple terms, I died.  There are a lot of ways to put it but that seems simplest.  I just wanted to share my experience with you, what I learned, and my thoughts on why I still don’t have any good answers for all those BIG questions….

You may see some earlier posts referring to an “After Time”  When I lost consciousness and before they put me on Propofol, I ended up in a place that is a tough to explain.  It was a place of peace, and contentedness.  I experienced things there that have expanded my understanding of Myself, my family, and to a slight scale, my place in the universe.  I’ll talk more on that later, please just understand that my “after time” has changed me indelibly.

I’ll be adding more posts after this stepping through everything and  I’ll give more detail in additional posts.  Thanks to all who stayed next to me and Kaylene during these hard times, both near us and in our hearts and prayers.

Love,

Kevin Steele

Death is not extinguishing the light; it is only putting out the lamp because the dawn has come.

Rabindranath Tagore

PostHeaderIcon One Word

Type only ONE word answers

It’s harder than you think!! Here is what you are supposed to do…and please don’t spoil the fun…copy and paste into your own note, type in your answers and have fun.

Your hair………………….………………..Blondish-Brown
Where is your cell phone………………Pocket
Your father………………..………………Whistling
Your favorite thing………………………Knowledge
Your dream last night……………………..Nothing
Your favorite drink………………………..Pepsi
Your dream/goal…………….…………….balance
The room you are in……………………….Cubicle
Your fear………………….………………….failure
Where do you want to be in 6 years………happy
Muffins……………….……………………Blueberry
One of your wish list items………………..debt-free
Where you grew up……………………….Saudi
The last thing you did…………………..…blogging
What are you wearing……………….……T-shirt-and-Jeans
Your TV……………………………………Powermac G5
Your pets………………….………………none
Your computer…………………………….Lenovo-T42
Your life………………….………………..busy
Your mood………………….……………..anxious
Missing someone……………….………….kaylene
Your car…………………..……………….cavalier
Favorite store…………………………….Amazon.com
Your summer………………..…………….Cyprus
Your favorite color………………………..Blue
When is the last time you laughed………..Today
Last time you cried……………………….Dallin
Three people who email me………………Kaylene, clients, co-workers
Three of my favorite foods……………….steak, asparagus, Stroganoff
Three places I would rather be right now…Home, Oregon, Aiken
Three people I think will respond…………family

PostHeaderIcon Do I know my wife?

I answered all the questions on my wife’s blog and now I have to see how well I know my wife.  GULP.  I’m not looking forward to that, but OK.  Hopefully I do at least half as well as she did.

-How do you feel about Country Music?
Kevin being Kaylene: It’s probably one of my favorite overall Genre’s.  I haven’t collected a lot of newer country music, but it makes up the majority of my library.

Kaylene:  Yup. 🙂

-How many curlers does your wife wear in her hair at night?
Kevin being Kaylene: I don’t wear curlers to bed.

Kaylene: I don’t, but I did a couple times as a kid, and rag rollers a couple times for a musical in High School, my hair could really keep that kind of curl, now I’m really tempted to try it again! 😉

-What is the last book you read or are reading?
Kevin being Kaylene: Home Plans/Paint books for rooms.

Kaylene: Matt and Share: Real decorating for real people, or Candice Olson: On Design, so yeah. 🙂

-What 3 movies would you take to a Desert Island (this is of course assuming that you could watch them there)?
Kevin being Kaylene: Princess Bride, Quest for Camelot, First Knight

Kaylene:  Hmm, I thought about this one overnight, and he’s right on, and probably answered them faster than I would.  Princess Bride is an all time favorite of mine, Quest for Camelot has a LONG back story, that has a bit to do with the way our romance blossomed back in 2000, and for that reason is really special to me (and it would entertain the kids more than all the other movies we’d take according to our lists… LOL! and First Knight, YEAH!  I’m Crazy about the whole Arthor, Camelot thing, and the visuals, and whole feel of that movie just kills me, I eat it right up! I totally want to copy the court yard in Camelot in my home one day!

-What 3 TV shows on disc would you take to a Desert Island?
Kevin being Kaylene: A good Cooking show, Private Practice/Greys Anatomy, Brothers and Sisters

Kaylene: Office, House, …  Can’t I just take my computer, internet access, and a link to hulu.com?  Love that place!  I think I’d get bored of the same three TV shows…  But I guess my third choice would be a cooking show, assuming I’d have a good stocked kitchen and CHOCOLATE!

-Does this quiz stink?
Kevin being Kaylene: Kinda, but I love my husband so I’ll do it anyways. :)

Kaylene: Hahahahaha, read my blog’s version of this question. 🙂  I really enjoy it and getting to know my hubby better, and what he thinks I think. 😀

-Name your 3 Favorite Fruits:
Kevin being Kaylene: Not TOMATOES.  My husband’s Grilled Pinapple, Oranges, and Chocolate

Kaylene:  Hmm, Kevin’s right NO TOMATOES (unless they’re in a good Pico de Gallo or cooked and well seasoned) I do LOVE his grilled pineapple, but I recall helping coat it with brown sugar 😉  I’ll have to say, Raspberries (especially dipped in chocolate, but any way will do, mmmm!) a good in season Watermelon, especially in the hottest part of summer, and Lemonade, when i think of fruity things, I LOVE cold, fresh, hand squeezed, lemonade.  But Kevin’s grilled pineapple is right up there.  I forgot how much I like fruit!

-What is in the Back Seat of your car right now?
Kevin being Kaylene: What Car?  My husband drives the family car as a commuter so in his back seat is the Kids Safety seats.

Kaylene:  I don’t technically have a car.  I’m insured on Kevin’s but I’m not on the title.  someday I’ll get a mini van…

-When was the last time you threw up?
Kevin being Kaylene: I don’t know.  I’ve been sick lately, but I can’t remember when I last threw up.

Kaylene:  I think, and I’m pretty sure it was morning sickness when I was pregnant, I’ve gotten the tummy bug since then, but it takes a lot for me to throw up, thanks to so much practice trying to trying to keep my cool when pregnant.

-What is your favorite curse word?
Kevin being Kaylene: I have larger problem with that than my husband, but it would be D****t.

Kaylene: Or D***  or S***, when I burn something, or realize I’m almost out of gas, or smash my finger.  Or if you ask Michael it would be “stupid,” “dumb,” or “hate,” I tell him not to use those words and then I turn around and use them…  Shame on me!  Mind you he’s usually using them about people, I’m usually using them about inanimate objects, but still.

-Name one thing you are really good at:
Kevin being Kaylene: I’m a great photographer.  At least my husband thinks so.  I enjoy photography, and can relaly be hard on myself.  I just see it as striving for perfection in my trade.  I also seem to know tons of stuff about arts, crafts, and music.

Kaylene:  I’m not very comfortable with my skills, I do think I improve all the time, but it gets to feel REALLY big for me something.  I’m Glad Kevin believes in me though! (((HUGS)))

-Name one thing you are really bad at:
Cutting people off in the middle of a conversation or sentence.  I’m not sure that’s the case, but Kevin seems to think so.  Truth be told I’m not sure what Kevin thinks I do badly.  or maybe he just can’t say.

Kaylene: True, true, I just get so afraid that I’ll forget what I’ve got to say… Not a good excuse though.

-What 3 books would you take to a desert island?
Kevin being Kaylene: 1~ Twilight Series, 2~ a Huge Home Plan/Design book, and 3~ Paint Books/Chips/Home Design….  I’m really in that phase right now.  Oh’ and I’d bring chocolate.

Kaylene: I am REALLY in the decorating/house plan phase, I mean, if all goes well we’ll FINALLY own our own home within a reasonable amount of time, so, living with my parents and having little to no control over those type of surroundings at the moment, I’m TOTALLY into that.  But, if I was moving to some desert Island, adn there’s no Home Depot, Lowe’s, or other Home improvement store anywhere around, I think I’d avoid that stuff.

ROFLOL about the chocolate, he really knows me, life would be torturous without the chance to have a little chocolate any day I want!

OK, so assuming the scriptures would already be on this Island, I’d go with series to kill time (uh oh, another bad word, don’t tell Michael!) since nobody mentioned how long we’d be stuck on this island.  Twilight Series including the new ones from Edward’s POV, The whole Box Car Children Series, LOVED it as a kid, and I would LOVE to have all of them to read to my kids, and I think Anne of Green Gables.  It’s been too long since I really read for recreation.

-Name your 3 favorite drinks:
Kevin being Kaylene: Water, Chocolate Milk, and um…. Rootbeer, and chocolate?

Kaylene:  Rootbeer YUMMY!  Lemon Raspberry Slush, and I LOVE cold spring water.

-Name your 3 Favorite Vegetables:
Kevin being Kaylene: Grilled Asparagus, squash, and avocados, and chocolate.

Kaylene:  Great Answers!  I think that’s about right, I cant ‘think of anything I like more than those, though a good corn and bean salsa is yummy!

-What is your favorite Ice Cream Flavor?
Kevin being Kaylene: Bear Tracks, or anything really chocolatey.

Kaylene:  My Hubby knows me well.  I like anything chocolate with brownies, caramel swirls, chocolate swirls, chocolate bits, oreo’s (now wouldn’t it be decadent if they came up with a cookies and chocolate cream ice cream?!?!) Cashews, Almonds, Pistachios, especially coated in chocolate.  The more variation of chocolate the better!

-What was the last thing you ate?
Kevin being Kaylene: Leftovers from Rib City Grill in AF.  I went there on a Date with my husband who loves me sooooooo much and then I shared my leftovers with my family for lunch.

Kaylene:  Hahaha, by the time I read this it was Ziti pasta and home made bread sticks, right now it’s cough drops and water (silly cold!), but for lunch I did have my Rib City leftovers, and I shared them with Ryan and Aiden, I LOVE my dates with my hubby, and not just cause we get to eat out sometimes, but we get a good chance to connect without so many distractions.

-What is the last sporting event you watched?
Kevin being Kaylene: I don’t watch sports.  Maybe it was the WWF clip I showed Kevin from 1997 with The Rock, and 2 other guys.  Macho Soap Opera.

Kaylene:  That would probably be it.

-Are you free on Saturday night?
Kevin being Kaylene: My husband is going out on saturday with a bunch of friends to go watch a movie, and depending on when he gets home, we’ll find out.

Kaylene:  There’s a girl in the ward I grew up in getting married tomorrow, and I hope to drop into her reception, and there are a couple girl friends in town, so that would be AWESOME too see them, but nothing solid yet other than Kevin’s movie with his friends.

-What is your first thought when you hear “Australia”?
Kevin being Kaylene: David and Amanda.  Our friends from Houston.  David is from Western Australia.

Kaylene:  Manda and Dave.  Dave is a helicopter technician, and I think of Joey’s jacket, it’s army colors, with helicopters instead of normal camo, cute stuff.

-How many states have you been to?
Kevin being Kaylene: 10

Kaylene: California, Nevada, Arizona, Utah, Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, Colorado, New Mexico, Texas, Oklahoma, and Kansas.  So 12, I think he forgot Nevada and Arizona.  I think that’s it, though a little birdie told my my Hubby may want to take me on a romantic get away for our anniversary to Portland Oregon where he served his mission.  Fun stuff!

-What is the biggest annoyance in your life right now (besides this quiz)?
Kevin being Kaylene: Not having a Van or a home for our family

Kaylene:  Those things are pretty tough for me, but it works out.  But it may just be not having my kids play zone and my computer being in the same room.

Check back to see Kaylene’s answers…

Kevin.

Fun stuff Kevin!  LOVE YOU!  🙂

Kaylene

PostHeaderIcon Before….

I hate Politicians… All Promises and No Delivery…

 

Sinfest Comic by Tatsuya Ishida

Sinfest Comic by Tatsuya Ishida

And THIS is what happens to the ECONOMY when we leave our Government to be under the influence of Biz and Special Interest groups. BTW what a crock of Crap – They do not represent consumer’s interests, they represent Companie’s interests.

 

 

Sinfest Comic by Tatsuya Ishida

Sinfest Comic by Tatsuya Ishida

And when the ECONOMY fails and the Special/Business Interests are in trouble, the Government sells us out to the Businesses and expects us to take it. UGHHHH, Pres, Senate, House, Business – You disgust me !!@#%!~%@#$%!*#!!

 

Sinfest Comic by Tatsuya Ishida

Sinfest Comic by Tatsuya Ishida

PostHeaderIcon Conversation’s/(Guilt Trips) with God!

Ever Feel Like This…..

SinFest Comic by Tatsuya Ishida

SinFest Comic by Tatsuya Ishida

 

I know I have, and my guess is you have too if you’ve ever tried building your relationship with god.  Though me thinks that most of this part of the conversation has more to do with the internal struggle that all us sinners deal with.  For me personally, I really have to struggle to stop listening to my self, and break on through to the other side.  Then the true conversation can begin.  Short thought of the moment, but it just made me think.

Kevin.

 

Image by Tatsuya Ishida

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